Ungrace

I want to write today because I'm fed up of being a person who is slowly but surely starting to play by the rules of the rest of the world. You know, getting angry at things that aren't important but that inconvenience me only. Joining in with the petty games and office politics like everyone else. Being so quick to be clever, quick to tease those I think are foolish.

I think I've forgotten that grace is my story.

A few years ago, when I was in a very dark place, grace was somehow very real to me. Because it was all I could hold onto.

The amazing truth that somehow, despite all the mess I made of things, God loved me and wanted me to know that. No matter what. So much so that he sent his Son to die to make sure that I could not lose that relationship of grace.

Slowly, things have changed in my life. I'm happily married now, with eyes open as to what the future holds. And yet, somehow I've started to be seduced by the prevailing culture of ungrace that I encounter everyday. I've begun to hold onto other things in my hands that mean I have started to lose my grip of the very thing that is the only thing worth holding onto.

I don't like it, and want to change. To get back to the place where I don't just have knowledge about God's grace and what it means, but where I know it at a deep level and where other people notice it and experience it through me.

I know that blogging about it doesn't solve anything; beating ungrace means choosing grace instead in anyone of hundreds of different difficult decisions on a daily basis.

But facing up to the fact that I'm not a great ambassador for the truth that has set me free has to be a starting point. And I write this here because I want anyone who is able to read this to be able to hold me accountable.

Help me not to be consumed by ungrace.

PS. Just as a footnote, ungrace does not appear in the spellchecker that blogger offers. To get it out of my vocabulary would be a great achievement.