Bright Explosion in the sky
A light that burned my eyes
Made me come alive
I thought I'd seen a sign
I prayed that I was right
As tears filled my eyes
Blurred the scene
Now a sun inside me burns
Bleaching all my bones
And the rising smoke
Will carry me away
To another place
I never lost my faith.
Just my way.
I exploded into life that day.
I'll never look back.
No one can take these feelings away.
I'll never go back.
Embrace
Exploding Machines
This New Day
2006
written by Embrace/Martin Glover
Couldn't express how I feel today in words I was happy with, so used someone else's. Normal service will be resumed a.s.a.p...
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Science Of Silence
All of a sudden, I'm finding whether people respond to these blogs with comments and being something of tremendous importance to me. As you may have noticed, there is not much going on in the way of feedback on many of my posts.
Don't get me wrong, this isn't some kind of attempt at rousing a campaign where everyone posts comments on the time to massage my ego in some superficial way.
The reason I bring it up is because I had a moment today of thinking, 'this blog business is not doing anyone any good, there are so few positive responses, I should probably stop at the end of the month'.
How many times do I view prayer in such a similar way? That if I don't see some positive results to the effort put in, I may as well give up.
Then I wake up and realise that is the slippery slope to a 'me first' faith, where I believe as long as it's all good for me. I have spoken to people who have read my musings around here, and they have commented on it-so there has been a response, albeit a relatively silent one, and I won't necessarily see the results of anything positive to come through any of the words I post on here.
Sometimes it's like that with prayer too. I've got a list of 'old school' contacts, going back ten years or so from when I first became a Christian, that I pray for as regularly as I can. Some of these guys and girls are now off my radar in different parts of the UK if not the world and I don't see them very often, or at all.But I have to trust that God knows where they are and is answering my prayers for them, even though I'm left with silence for the time being.
What's my point here? I guess that just because I don't see things doesn't mean that nothing is going on.
Silence is not always an indication of inactivity...
Don't get me wrong, this isn't some kind of attempt at rousing a campaign where everyone posts comments on the time to massage my ego in some superficial way.
The reason I bring it up is because I had a moment today of thinking, 'this blog business is not doing anyone any good, there are so few positive responses, I should probably stop at the end of the month'.
How many times do I view prayer in such a similar way? That if I don't see some positive results to the effort put in, I may as well give up.
Then I wake up and realise that is the slippery slope to a 'me first' faith, where I believe as long as it's all good for me. I have spoken to people who have read my musings around here, and they have commented on it-so there has been a response, albeit a relatively silent one, and I won't necessarily see the results of anything positive to come through any of the words I post on here.
Sometimes it's like that with prayer too. I've got a list of 'old school' contacts, going back ten years or so from when I first became a Christian, that I pray for as regularly as I can. Some of these guys and girls are now off my radar in different parts of the UK if not the world and I don't see them very often, or at all.But I have to trust that God knows where they are and is answering my prayers for them, even though I'm left with silence for the time being.
What's my point here? I guess that just because I don't see things doesn't mean that nothing is going on.
Silence is not always an indication of inactivity...
Monday, July 17, 2006
moments vs movements
The latest Oxfam campaign update was basking in the extreme heat of my flat hallway as I arrived home from work today.
I opened the envelope and cynically began to look for the bottom line, namely 'how-much-do-they-want-from-me-now?'
It was all so different a year ago. I stood in Hyde Park at Live 8, pledging my support in the campaign to make poverty history.
And yet today my little world is finding that promise such an inconvenience.
So what's wrong? Is it just me or is this a wider thing? I'd dare to suggest it's a wider thing, because it's easier to live for the moment, to say I was there, than to take what you have encountered in that moment and run with it.
How many of the people who attended Live 8 where there simply for the satisfaction of saying 'I was there' rather than to be able to tell their grandchildren that they had responded to a call to help neighbours they have never met.
I expect at this point you are thinking I am about to launch into a rant about the selfishness and evil of the 21st century, but it's a big old internet and there are people who do that much better than me...
But I want to think about the preaching of Jesus. How he often attracted a crowd when he rolled into town. People who listened, responded to the teaching and even became professing disciples. And yet we read in John 6:60-69 that many of those who had heard Jesus firsthand decided that they'd heard one challenging teaching too many, that enough was enough and that following Him was just too hard and too great a cost.
They were prepared to follow Jesus for the moment, but not join the movement.
And I then think long and hard about those if have known over the years, who promised to join a movement and only stayed for a moment before turning their back on Him.
I pray that they'll find their way back home.
But before an attitude of smug superiority is allowed to arise, then I remember the attitude I had towards the Oxfam letter. That I have it within me to follow the easy path, to revel in saying I was there, but when in reality my attendance had no lasting impact on my lifestyle.
So I have to choose to reaffirm my promises to be part of Oxfam's charitable movement. And I choose to ask for the strength to stand committed to Jesus, echoing Peter's response of 'Lord, where else shall we go?' rather than listening to the temptation to abandon commitment to Jesus' movement and opt only for momentary involvement.
I opened the envelope and cynically began to look for the bottom line, namely 'how-much-do-they-want-from-me-now?'
It was all so different a year ago. I stood in Hyde Park at Live 8, pledging my support in the campaign to make poverty history.
And yet today my little world is finding that promise such an inconvenience.
So what's wrong? Is it just me or is this a wider thing? I'd dare to suggest it's a wider thing, because it's easier to live for the moment, to say I was there, than to take what you have encountered in that moment and run with it.
How many of the people who attended Live 8 where there simply for the satisfaction of saying 'I was there' rather than to be able to tell their grandchildren that they had responded to a call to help neighbours they have never met.
I expect at this point you are thinking I am about to launch into a rant about the selfishness and evil of the 21st century, but it's a big old internet and there are people who do that much better than me...
But I want to think about the preaching of Jesus. How he often attracted a crowd when he rolled into town. People who listened, responded to the teaching and even became professing disciples. And yet we read in John 6:60-69 that many of those who had heard Jesus firsthand decided that they'd heard one challenging teaching too many, that enough was enough and that following Him was just too hard and too great a cost.
They were prepared to follow Jesus for the moment, but not join the movement.
And I then think long and hard about those if have known over the years, who promised to join a movement and only stayed for a moment before turning their back on Him.
I pray that they'll find their way back home.
But before an attitude of smug superiority is allowed to arise, then I remember the attitude I had towards the Oxfam letter. That I have it within me to follow the easy path, to revel in saying I was there, but when in reality my attendance had no lasting impact on my lifestyle.
So I have to choose to reaffirm my promises to be part of Oxfam's charitable movement. And I choose to ask for the strength to stand committed to Jesus, echoing Peter's response of 'Lord, where else shall we go?' rather than listening to the temptation to abandon commitment to Jesus' movement and opt only for momentary involvement.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
There's Got To Be Hope
We had to call the police at the youth event I help out with last night, to help deal with some guys who refused to leave after we asked them to because their behaviour had become unacceptable.
When they arrived, one of them ran away prompting the police officer in attendance to comment that this particular boy now 'had his card marked'.
I shared with the team afterwards that so often we accept that certain things are set in stone. It is likely that the kids who got in trouble with the police last night will continue on that path, but it's by no means definite. I don't have to agree with the police officer that this kid is always going to be trouble.
The reason why we work with these guys is because we believe that there is another way, and that the example of the Christians they come across at our events hopefully points out that lives can be changed and turned around.
I say hopefully. The days we live in are extremely cynical, and hope often seems to be relegated to the small print, not something to be spoken about.
But hope remains real.
Hebrews 11:1 tells us that 'faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see'.
Without faith in God, I'd have no basis on which to hope for anything better and no reason to be confident that things can change, no matter how it appears to look on the surface.
I can dare to have faith that there is more going on than I can see, and hope for better, because God is alive and active in this world.
Hope remains real.
When they arrived, one of them ran away prompting the police officer in attendance to comment that this particular boy now 'had his card marked'.
I shared with the team afterwards that so often we accept that certain things are set in stone. It is likely that the kids who got in trouble with the police last night will continue on that path, but it's by no means definite. I don't have to agree with the police officer that this kid is always going to be trouble.
The reason why we work with these guys is because we believe that there is another way, and that the example of the Christians they come across at our events hopefully points out that lives can be changed and turned around.
I say hopefully. The days we live in are extremely cynical, and hope often seems to be relegated to the small print, not something to be spoken about.
But hope remains real.
Hebrews 11:1 tells us that 'faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see'.
Without faith in God, I'd have no basis on which to hope for anything better and no reason to be confident that things can change, no matter how it appears to look on the surface.
I can dare to have faith that there is more going on than I can see, and hope for better, because God is alive and active in this world.
Hope remains real.
Monday, July 10, 2006
A Fool's Story
"What is this I hear Mr. Noyce? Have you been disgracing yourself again?"
Not the words of my displeased boss, or even of unhappy parents.
They do, in fact, belong to one of my close friends. But what would prompt such blunt words, stopping just short of telling me to act my age?
Allow me to explain. Upon my return from a week's holiday in Tenby, he was offered the chance to see the video footage of my latest act of buffoonery, wrestling with a 4ft inflatable crocodile. (I was going to put pretending to wrestle in that sentence, but I feel I need to be honest on this blog. And, for those of you that know me or were first hand witnesses, I was trying hard, the crocodile wasn't really interested in wrestling.)
Now, I have been known to be easily goaded into silly, often dangerous dares, which is ironic considering that I am at heart, quite shy and introverted. But, for some reason, the prospect of being the centre of attention in ridiculous circumstances is something I seem to be able to get involved in with very little effort and, indeed, thought.
But the comments did get me thinking. Having been involved in a few (i.e. many) stupid dares and situations, I feel that I have to keep going on with them, upping the stupidity stakes again and again. But why? I guess the honest answer will be because I fear people will then stop liking me. That seeing Paul be zany is the only reason that they hang around.
I like to think that I have better friends than that, and I think I'm right.
But looking at it another way, how often do I try the very same thing in my relationship with God? That if I do certain things, then He'll stick around and be interested in relationship with me, but that He might stop loving me if I for example, stop being busy doing youthwork in the evenings or that if I stuff up with some stupid, secret sin.
The things that I do cannot encourage God to love me more. So no matter how many hours of youth work I do or how many prayer meetings I attend, God's love for me is already off the scale.
And there's nothing I can do that will stop God from loving me. Yes, I cause anguish and disappointment when I betray him, but the love doesn't end and He offers me redemption through Jesus.
At some point, my friends will, no doubt, reach their embarrassment threshold with me, and I'll do something so dumb they'll never want to be near me again. But God's love keeps on giving and will always go on giving grace, even to fools and losers like me.
Grace. Even for people who wrestle with plastic inflatable crocodiles.
Not the words of my displeased boss, or even of unhappy parents.
They do, in fact, belong to one of my close friends. But what would prompt such blunt words, stopping just short of telling me to act my age?
Allow me to explain. Upon my return from a week's holiday in Tenby, he was offered the chance to see the video footage of my latest act of buffoonery, wrestling with a 4ft inflatable crocodile. (I was going to put pretending to wrestle in that sentence, but I feel I need to be honest on this blog. And, for those of you that know me or were first hand witnesses, I was trying hard, the crocodile wasn't really interested in wrestling.)
Now, I have been known to be easily goaded into silly, often dangerous dares, which is ironic considering that I am at heart, quite shy and introverted. But, for some reason, the prospect of being the centre of attention in ridiculous circumstances is something I seem to be able to get involved in with very little effort and, indeed, thought.
But the comments did get me thinking. Having been involved in a few (i.e. many) stupid dares and situations, I feel that I have to keep going on with them, upping the stupidity stakes again and again. But why? I guess the honest answer will be because I fear people will then stop liking me. That seeing Paul be zany is the only reason that they hang around.
I like to think that I have better friends than that, and I think I'm right.
But looking at it another way, how often do I try the very same thing in my relationship with God? That if I do certain things, then He'll stick around and be interested in relationship with me, but that He might stop loving me if I for example, stop being busy doing youthwork in the evenings or that if I stuff up with some stupid, secret sin.
The things that I do cannot encourage God to love me more. So no matter how many hours of youth work I do or how many prayer meetings I attend, God's love for me is already off the scale.
And there's nothing I can do that will stop God from loving me. Yes, I cause anguish and disappointment when I betray him, but the love doesn't end and He offers me redemption through Jesus.
At some point, my friends will, no doubt, reach their embarrassment threshold with me, and I'll do something so dumb they'll never want to be near me again. But God's love keeps on giving and will always go on giving grace, even to fools and losers like me.
Grace. Even for people who wrestle with plastic inflatable crocodiles.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
The One Where Paul Comes Down To Earth With A Bump
Just re-read my previous post about the wedding. And, although slightly embarrassed at how gushing I seem to come across in that post, the memories are still fresh and are continuing to make me smile.
In the interests of keeping it real on here though, must explain a little bit about how it feels to be smacked back to reality.
At the wedding reception on Saturday, a bunch of us were all dancing around to Embrace's 'World At Your Feet'. A World Cup song it may be, but for those moments on a perfect day, the world really was our oyster and anything, absolutely anything, was possible for us all.
Monday and Tuesday have seen a marked change in mood. The world has been far from at my feet and seems to be weighing up whether to get right in my face or just try and crush me on my back. The realities of work stress and sudden worries about ill health to members of my close family seem to have been able to swiftly undo all the good that the weekend provided...
So that reminded me of Ecclesiastes. Many people find it an Old Testament book to avoid. After all, who wants their morning quiet time to remind them that 'everything is meaningless, a chasing after the wind'?
But I like Ecclesiates (or Qohelet, if I am to impose an heir of superiority from the fact that I studied theology for my degree). Most all all, I like the fact that despite all the absurdities, seasons and problems of life that he identifies, he ultimately chooses to grasp onto the reality of God.
Anyone can hold onto the reality of God after red letter days like Saturday. But if I am going to truly have ''faith that is sure of what we I hope for and certain of what we do not see'' as I read out from Hebrews 11 at the wedding, then that also means following the example of Qohelet and not abandoning God in the face of life's absurdities, but taking a step of faith and trusting in the unseen, no matter what season of life we find ourselves in.
And yes, sometimes this step of faith means we have to cling on for dear life in the face of life's difficulties.
In the interests of keeping it real on here though, must explain a little bit about how it feels to be smacked back to reality.
At the wedding reception on Saturday, a bunch of us were all dancing around to Embrace's 'World At Your Feet'. A World Cup song it may be, but for those moments on a perfect day, the world really was our oyster and anything, absolutely anything, was possible for us all.
Monday and Tuesday have seen a marked change in mood. The world has been far from at my feet and seems to be weighing up whether to get right in my face or just try and crush me on my back. The realities of work stress and sudden worries about ill health to members of my close family seem to have been able to swiftly undo all the good that the weekend provided...
So that reminded me of Ecclesiastes. Many people find it an Old Testament book to avoid. After all, who wants their morning quiet time to remind them that 'everything is meaningless, a chasing after the wind'?
But I like Ecclesiates (or Qohelet, if I am to impose an heir of superiority from the fact that I studied theology for my degree). Most all all, I like the fact that despite all the absurdities, seasons and problems of life that he identifies, he ultimately chooses to grasp onto the reality of God.
Anyone can hold onto the reality of God after red letter days like Saturday. But if I am going to truly have ''faith that is sure of what we I hope for and certain of what we do not see'' as I read out from Hebrews 11 at the wedding, then that also means following the example of Qohelet and not abandoning God in the face of life's absurdities, but taking a step of faith and trusting in the unseen, no matter what season of life we find ourselves in.
And yes, sometimes this step of faith means we have to cling on for dear life in the face of life's difficulties.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
The One With Amanda's Thunder
Red letter days don't seem to come around very often so when they do, the best thing to do is celebrate them!
I've been away this weekend at the wedding of my friends Amanda and Alex.
Friends is perhaps too general a term. Amanda has been my friend and put up with me through thick and thin for nearly thirteen years. And (it may appear to be a cliche, but I don't use it often) she really is the closest thing to a sister that I have.
So it was all set up to be a good day and it did not disappoint! Alex and Amanda invited me to take part in the service and let me loose in front of all their guests to do a Bible reading. I was a bundle of nerves beforehand not wanting to do a bad job. However, the chance to stand in front of them both just after they had got married was well worth all the clammy palms and shaky hands that I was having to deal with during the build up. Seeing the broad smiles on their faces was truly special, though I quickly realised that sustained eye contact would cause me to choke up, never a good start when you are supposed to be reading!
Very quickly I came to realise that many of my most favourite people in the universe were in attendance and how often do you encounter that? Not nearly often enough.
But thanks Mark, Jo, Tanya, Louise, Chris, Richard, Jen, Rachel, Pete, Beth, Ben, Dee (and the many others that I've no doubt just offended by not including them, always a danger when you start listing things) for you're part in the day, it was great to see you all.
My point in all this? Firstly, the renewed awareness that I am humbled and privileged indeed to have great friends. The challenge of this is to make sure that I don't just appreciate them on the great days, but remind them of h0w much esteem I hold them in on a regular, if not daily, basis, (which goes for all the others I love who were not in attendance as well).
Secondly...well, it was probably the best wedding party I experienced which, for the hardcore, ended around 1am or just after. But the party did end although we wished it wouldn't. To put a spiritual perspective on stuff though, there is the reminder that, as we sang in church and read in Revelation 19:7-9, that there will one day be a wedding party that never ends.
I'll see you there, if you've responded to your invite that is...
Mr & Mrs Pickering, I love you.
I've been away this weekend at the wedding of my friends Amanda and Alex.
Friends is perhaps too general a term. Amanda has been my friend and put up with me through thick and thin for nearly thirteen years. And (it may appear to be a cliche, but I don't use it often) she really is the closest thing to a sister that I have.
So it was all set up to be a good day and it did not disappoint! Alex and Amanda invited me to take part in the service and let me loose in front of all their guests to do a Bible reading. I was a bundle of nerves beforehand not wanting to do a bad job. However, the chance to stand in front of them both just after they had got married was well worth all the clammy palms and shaky hands that I was having to deal with during the build up. Seeing the broad smiles on their faces was truly special, though I quickly realised that sustained eye contact would cause me to choke up, never a good start when you are supposed to be reading!
Very quickly I came to realise that many of my most favourite people in the universe were in attendance and how often do you encounter that? Not nearly often enough.
But thanks Mark, Jo, Tanya, Louise, Chris, Richard, Jen, Rachel, Pete, Beth, Ben, Dee (and the many others that I've no doubt just offended by not including them, always a danger when you start listing things) for you're part in the day, it was great to see you all.
My point in all this? Firstly, the renewed awareness that I am humbled and privileged indeed to have great friends. The challenge of this is to make sure that I don't just appreciate them on the great days, but remind them of h0w much esteem I hold them in on a regular, if not daily, basis, (which goes for all the others I love who were not in attendance as well).
Secondly...well, it was probably the best wedding party I experienced which, for the hardcore, ended around 1am or just after. But the party did end although we wished it wouldn't. To put a spiritual perspective on stuff though, there is the reminder that, as we sang in church and read in Revelation 19:7-9, that there will one day be a wedding party that never ends.
I'll see you there, if you've responded to your invite that is...
Mr & Mrs Pickering, I love you.
Monday, June 19, 2006
Top Five Records
So, those of you paying attention at the back will have noticed the presence of High Fidelity in my fave movies and books bit, and it's been a running theme for people to challenge just how sad I am by throwing obscure top fives in my direction.
Anyway, my friend Rachel has come up with the 'everest' of top fives. The task? Pick the top five songs that best express your personality.
After much mulling, I came up with this list. And, seeing as this is a place for me to be honest before the whole world, here's my selection, and my attempts to justify their inclusion
1. Coldplay- Fix You (kind of a new record but the sentiment reflects my sense of trying to fix every single situation I come across)
2.Embrace- The Good Will Come Out (like to think that my personality has that kind of grit-your-teeth, get on with and look towards a better day type vibe to it that this song has)
3. Radiohead-Creep (struggled with including this one-seems a bit cliched but sadly I'm prone to bouts of feeling like a creep, a weirdo and that I don't belong)
4. Echobelly- Great Things (cos a lot of my activism and work is fuelled by that fact I want to achieve stuff that's long lasting and great!)
5. Bob Dylan- Most of The Time (most of Bob's recent stuff isn't as well known as the early stuff, but this song is really good. Personality wise I relate to this, trying to get on with things, saying I'm alright and healed from past hurts, when really it's only most of the time that I'm OK and some days really hurt. A bit deep, but felt I needed to justify the inclusion of this song all the more!)
So there. Anyone else care to chip in?
Anyway, my friend Rachel has come up with the 'everest' of top fives. The task? Pick the top five songs that best express your personality.
After much mulling, I came up with this list. And, seeing as this is a place for me to be honest before the whole world, here's my selection, and my attempts to justify their inclusion
1. Coldplay- Fix You (kind of a new record but the sentiment reflects my sense of trying to fix every single situation I come across)
2.Embrace- The Good Will Come Out (like to think that my personality has that kind of grit-your-teeth, get on with and look towards a better day type vibe to it that this song has)
3. Radiohead-Creep (struggled with including this one-seems a bit cliched but sadly I'm prone to bouts of feeling like a creep, a weirdo and that I don't belong)
4. Echobelly- Great Things (cos a lot of my activism and work is fuelled by that fact I want to achieve stuff that's long lasting and great!)
5. Bob Dylan- Most of The Time (most of Bob's recent stuff isn't as well known as the early stuff, but this song is really good. Personality wise I relate to this, trying to get on with things, saying I'm alright and healed from past hurts, when really it's only most of the time that I'm OK and some days really hurt. A bit deep, but felt I needed to justify the inclusion of this song all the more!)
So there. Anyone else care to chip in?
There's Something Inspired Going On Here...
Well probably not. But I'm trying to grab attention in this whole blog world thing, so I'm sure you can forgive me for a little overstatement on the first post.
Why the sudden interest in starting a blog? And what do I have to say of any interest anyway? Both very good questions, if I do say so myself.
I guess the answer to the second question will become apparant after a few weeks of me typing random thoughts-we'll soon see if there is anything interesting that I have to say. But I've seen a few of these about from various characters I've encountered over the years and thought 'if they can do it, it must be easy!'. Not strictly true, but I was amazed how reading the thoughts of others was thought provoking and inspiring.
And to quote Orlando Bloom in Ridley Scott's 'Kingdom of Heaven' -'what man is a man who does not make the world better?' And if I can make the world better by inspiring someone with a positive mesage, or making friends and/or strangers laugh at my stupidity, well, guess that will be good too.
Thanks for playing the game and reading this far.
Check back soon
Paul
Why the sudden interest in starting a blog? And what do I have to say of any interest anyway? Both very good questions, if I do say so myself.
I guess the answer to the second question will become apparant after a few weeks of me typing random thoughts-we'll soon see if there is anything interesting that I have to say. But I've seen a few of these about from various characters I've encountered over the years and thought 'if they can do it, it must be easy!'. Not strictly true, but I was amazed how reading the thoughts of others was thought provoking and inspiring.
And to quote Orlando Bloom in Ridley Scott's 'Kingdom of Heaven' -'what man is a man who does not make the world better?' And if I can make the world better by inspiring someone with a positive mesage, or making friends and/or strangers laugh at my stupidity, well, guess that will be good too.
Thanks for playing the game and reading this far.
Check back soon
Paul
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